when i can't talk

Sometimes I don't even know if there is anything to say and if there is I just don't know how to say it. I try, but fail a lot of the time. Then just want to be left alone.

It's not fair and it's not logical. And I really don't know if I want to be pushed or want to be left alone. I don't know if I want to hear the truth or if I just want to hear what I want to hear. I don't know if I'll believe what I hear. It really doesn't make a difference. I know it's all in my head. I have these lengthy conversations with myself all the time and I re-play them all the time with the voices of my friends and what I think they will say, but nothing makes it easier to say or to figure out.

So, when I can't talk, it's because there are so many thoughts, I don't know what they are, how they are connected or why. And it doesn't make sense to me, so I don't want anyone else to figure it out but me. When I do, I'll let you know. I promise.