The rule, not the exception

Random thoughts this morning:

As I was reading the newpaper this morning there was an article about the reality of closing the gap between races when it comes to education and it got me thinking about my education and my future. So, most of my exposure to the education system is having gone through it. One of my best friends is a teacher and she is much more knowledgeable about what actually goes on inside of our public schools from a non-student point of view, so I'll keep my judgements on the system down to a minimum.

I'll start off by saying that there are many factors that influence where a person ends up: family, socioeconomic status, geographic location, exposure to good role models, internal/external motivation, opportunities, encouragement/support system, and to a certain extent, intelligence/talent (I am sure I have forgotten others, but I'll focus on some of these). It's a very complicated equation and I would be silly if I thought I could make blanket statments about education. What I will address is that at this point in my life, I look around and there just aren't that many people that look like me or come from backgrounds like mine. That's just a fact. I thought back on my experiences and all I can say is that I was lucky to have the right combination of opportunities.

Problem is I just believe that we should be able to control for certain of those factors like location, exposures to good role models, opportunities, and support systems (other than family). There are few ways to change who your family is, how much they support you, how much you are pushed or encouraged to pursue what draws your attention and how much talent or "intelligence" you have. Everyone should have an opportunity and access to a good, well-rounded education regardless of sex, race, creed, etc (you know all those good things that have been added to our constitution). Ok, so that's an easy statement to agree with. But that just isn't the way the world works, or at least that's not how I have seen it grow. Question is how do we teach our children to work hard and be self-sufficient, in spite of the obstacles that life presents? And what about those children whose parents are gone or just don't get it, how do we help them? How do we survive in a world where it's about who you know and not always about how hard you work? Unfortunately my commentary doesn't offer any answers to all the questions that our government leaders have been pondering for years.

However, things that I can't change, like my gender and my ethnic background, make me stick out like a sore thumb among my collegues. Most don't place importance on it all. And it might not make any difference on a grand scale, but it does on the small scale. More than one dean or attending has said to me in a variety of different ways that I have an uphill battle in the field of surgery, both because of my gender and my race. They point it out to be encouraging and to say that it's good that those things don't deter me. Of course those comments mostly come from attendings that are either women or minorities. But white males also notice, but are more hesitant to point it out.

People have paid attention to me before because I have been "successful" in my field of choice. I have been used to point out that "the system" is working. But it is incredibly difficult to actually grow up a little bit and realize that things aren't quite as easy as they make you think when you're little (but that goes for a bunch of stuff). I remember not wanting people (my interviewers at medical school) to know that I was a minority or grew up in a low socioeconomic status. I was tired that those made a difference in how people saw who I was and what I had achieved. I wanted to be judged solely on my academic achievements. My advisor told me that those pieces of information were not used to judge me or hold me to a different standard, but rather to utilize resources that were available to help me succeed. I'm not sure that I actually believe that is true. I do think people look at me different. But, I can't deny that I am different.

Now that I have the opportunity to be a role model and a mentor, I see how difficult it is to find people that can relate to you. We try to facilitate that by creating programs that exposes kids to professionals with backgrounds similar to theirs and it works for those kids who get that opportunity. I just hope one day that role models and mentors will be easily recognizable regardless of race, gender, creed, etc. Even now I still have that small desire to find someone that understands how deeply rooted my motivations and career goals are in the way I grew up. There just aren't enough people like me in this profession.

What I'm trying to say is that I'm still the exception and I may never live long enough to see people like me become part of the norm. I remember knowing that I was part of a small group of people that by chance alone had been giving the very special opportunity to carry a torch and use the trails built by others to make them more permanent and concrete paths. Over the course of my education, I just so tired of being highlighted that I decided to do just enough to get by. I was ready to pass on the torch and let others extend the paths that had already been built. I figured I had done enough for "the cause." The problem now is that there is just soo much more work to be done that it isn't enough to just hang out and wait for the next generation to do more than I did. I still have work to do myself. And if that means carrying the torch into uncharted waters, so be it. I know I won't be completely alone, but it will be lonely nevertheless. Trust me, I don't think that I am some poor martyr that will carry the weight of an entire movement alone on my shoulders, but I just might as well get used to people pointing at me and saying either, "how did she get her" or "look, even she's here" or "see, it is totally possible" or hopefully, "I want to be like her."

that's me, wanting to make a difference. It's nice to have rediscovered the ability dream like I did when I was little. =)