Passive-Aggressive.

I have known for a really long time that I am quite possibly one of the most passive-aggressive people that I know. And, most of the time, I let my bitterness sit and ferment and release it in low doses, so that I have my own personal and private satisfaction. Will I ever say any of it out loud? No. Why not? Who knows.

Point being that I might have just encountered a situation where my passive-aggressiveness is bordering on me being a two faced bitch. I feel conflicted about how to deal with a person I don't enjoy being around anymore. I have let all these little ity-bity insignificant things pile up inside of me. Now, anytime I am in the presence of this person, I can't help but be miserable on the inside, and make every attempt to hide it on the outside. When I am not with this person, I try to think of ways to make distance between the two of us and try to keep our interaction down to a minimum. Problem is I sort of feel bad because I thought of this person as a close friend. So, how am I supposed to resolve me feelings?

On the one hand, we are friends and supposed to feel comfortable talking with each other. And, not too long ago, I enjoyed spending time in this person's presence.

On the other hand, all those things I dislike are increasing enough that I don't actually know if I want to be that close of friends with this person. Problem is there is quite possibly no way this person knows how I feel. And if they do, they don't care enough to do anything about it. Meaning that I don't care enough to do something about it. Yet, I torture myself daily about it.

I used to only talk to one person about it, but unfortunately now I let my frustration slip and started talking more and more about it. So, now I am at a point where if I don't say anything, I am not a responsible friend anymore. The problem, I fear, is that I see no solution. If I were to speak up and confront this person, no good could come of it, except a screaming match (which is what I imagine, or kinda feel like doing, even though, I try to keep the screaming down to a minimum in my life) or the silent treatment for which I am notorious.

Am I willing to lose a friend, whose personality, basic principles, and view of the world I am starting to dislike, just because I am too self-involved to say anything? I am a firm believer that you become friends because you see and appreciate the virtues in other people, and you stay friends because you see and recognize flaws and love in spite of them. What if you can't love in-spite of?

How far are you supposed to go for friendship? When is the point when the flaws out-weigh the virtues? Are you a bad friend if you give up on friendship?

What if I am the problem?