a year in review

and it stands true that only when i'm alone with myself do i have the energy to contemplate my life online.

so as sleep escapes me, because i am doomed to never sleep when i actually need to, i begin to wonder what has become of the sweet, sweet girl that moved to new york city three years ago. and mostly i wonder if i really have changed at all, or if i have "changed" so much that i have come full circle??

a year ago, i kinda new i wanted to be a surgeon, just read my blog, it says so. and then i went all crazy and didn't want to be one. and now i'm back again. i'm always trying to keep myself from thinking if i want to do this whole medicine thing in the first place....and that's when you know i'm tired and just need a good nap.

so here i am with a chance to stand alone and a chance to prove to everyone that i am a "good kid" and that i can do this. but mostly i just want to prove it to myself. and that's probably why i can't sleep.

on another similiar note:

it's all those things that i have taken for granted in my life that are slowly coming back to haunt me.
all those times that i claimed to be all alone at school, i was surrounded by wonderful people that took me into their lives. while all i wanted to do was to run away, they supported me the best that i would let them. and they became a part of my life that i refused to accept as my own. i continue to feel that the less that i belong to their world, the easier it will be to leave it. because it's my world that i miss, not theirs. and it's my world that has changed without me, while i've been too busy off somewhere else. it's the way it should be, because that's life, right?