Broken Heart

My heart test is tomorrow, so instead of studying, I am writing. Way to go, me!! I was re-reading some of my old posts, because I have nothing better to do, and it occured to me that only a few things had changed since the last time I talked about my heart.

A friend called today and I whined (big surprise) about my test tomorrow and how I hate the heart and how we don't really need it and we should just take all of them out. Then she says to me, "you are just bitter because your heart is broken." Ouch!! But, I have decided that my heart is not broken. It has only been badly bruised several times, maybe a little tear that could cause some tamponade or some arrhythmias, but not broken. And it is healing slowly. What helped the healing process: I made up with one of the boys. Me showing up to his b-day celebration last week to him meant that I was speaking to him again (which was true) and then he decided to pull me aside and to ask if we were ok and proceeded to tell me how much he "loved me as a friend." (love that line by the way). At least we can now sit in the same small room with 10 other people and I don't have to avoid eye contact. Yesterday, he actually sat next to me and we had a conversation and did a little research together. Even though I still walk into a room and look for him, I at least don't have an overactive emotional reaction every time I see him (it's only every other time now, hehe).

Of course because I have sorta resolved that drama, I have to keep myself busy with something else: the other boy. Won't talk to me, barely even looks my way, and keeps his distance from me. That is something that I would do, so I am not quite sure how to react to it. And it is too hard to find him by himself so that I can talk to him in person, rather than call him on the phone (mostly, because he won't answer my phone calls, i did only try once and did not leave a message). And now it has been one month since I have actually spoken to him, and I think it may be too late to "make up" or for things to go back the way they used to be. Point being, that apparently if I want a guy to quit talking to me, I should kiss them. I guess I did not realize I was that bad of a kisser considering i am 0/2. Well, at least neither one of them have died due to peanut allergies afterwards (http://www.cnn.com/2005/HEALTH/conditions/11/28/kiss.death.ap/)

So for now I will focus on....my conference on Saturday, my formal friday night, and finishing the journal by friday morning, AND prep for the conference and the journal between now and then... oh yeah, and my test tomorrow!!
I also think that my dress for the formal may be the equivalent of my prom dress senior year for my self confidence. I may never be the same again. (i think my halloween costume may have been that way too!)