the thing about friends is..

Yesterday someone mentioned that there were three top people that she could call if ever she was in trouble and couldn't call home. And then I thought about those that I call my best and closest friends and how much I trust them, and how difficult it is for me to be without them, and how, even if I don't speak to them on a daily, weekly, or even monthly basis, I can still hear their voices and their advice.

I also can see how different they all are from each other and how much influence they have had over who I have become. Some of my best traits are simply reflections of them in me. Some of my worst traits are my way of rebelling from becoming too close to them. And I wonder how I changed from a shy, quiet kid with no real friends that rode the line between trusting everyone and trusting no one. But here I am, in my own way, loving every one of those friends so deeply, that it hurts that I can't be a better friend. And even though I walk away so often, I could never hide. I have placed myself in all of them, that if I were to lose one of them, I would lose myself.


I knew I would need to run away from home to find out who I was when I stood alone. I guess I always expected things to be the same with or without me. But life moves in so many directions all at once and before you know it, the world you left and the world you thought you were living in are all gone. And change is independant of good and evil and it is the only thing constant. How we react to that change is what allows us to grow and live. Being away from home makes me realize that I don't have to stand alone. I do not want to stand alone. I can't stand alone. I am here and can keep going, not only because of the person I am but the people I have choosen to keep around me.


And I don't think that I can say it enough times: I love you girls, more than you could ever imagine. Only really good friends like you guys could ever put up for so long with a head case like me (then, again, you are all a bit crazy yourselves, maybe that's why we're friends).