Grey's Anatomy

One of my favorite shows. Fairly addictive. Very soap opera. And almost always relavant and I end up yelling at the characters (or the tv). Show starts and ends in a monologue by the main character, very Sex in the City. But during the show one of the characters said something that kinda stuck with me...just fyi...."when you tell me that I am better off with out him [or could do better, something along those lines], it doesn't make me feel better. It is actually demeaning." Food for thought.

I am guilty of telling my friends that they are better off without the boys they date (and/or like). And when I tell it to them, I just mean that they are wonderful beautiful women that do not deserve to have their hearts broken or even bruised by particular boys.

But when someone says it to me, it has never really made me feel better. And I could never quite put into words why. It always bothered me to be told I was better off without someone who choose to ignore me. As true as it may be that I am better off, that doesn't change the fact that I am the one in pain and the one rejected. And I guess I just never paid attention to the fact that something I constantly tell my friends could potentially make the feel crappier. And, then, last night, I understood.

When my heart (and my ego) is a little bruised, I don't want consolation in the fact that I am better off. I just want my pain recognized and that's it. Once again, I don't want to think about how my future will be better; I just want to concentrate in my present, here, now, today. And as much hope as the future brings, the future is just that, the future. It isn't today, and it doesn't erase today. I have to get through today and my pain today, to get to tomorrow.

ps-as a side note: on the show that night there was also a crazy lady that had committed murder and was held in an isolation cell in prison. in order to have human contact, she attempted suicide. and then, no one paid attention to her at the hospital, so she attempted suicide again. makes you wonder how important human contact is to all of us. So just in case any of those people that care about me are concerned, no matter how much I try, I must have human contact here: they take attendance in class and no matter how much I may try, I am not that invisible and i have room-mates that respect my need to be alone, but care enough to force me out of my room if need be (or at least contact the appropriate authorities :p)