the people who touch our lives

i have a hard time remembering people's names. and sometimes i forget who was with me when i did "x" event. but other times, i remember people's faces as if were just yesterday. i also think it is quite funny how small the world really is. how people that i have met randomly know each other or how my best friend can be my pre-k teacher's co-worker. i wonder why some people stick around and why some go away. and when i look back and remember those people that have walked out of my life, for one reason or another, i wonder, sometimes, if i will ever run into them again.

was there something i forgot to say or explain. was there one more lesson to learn? the old cliche says: some people are in your life for a reason, some people are in your life for a season, and some people are there for a lifetime. but who gets to pick? can we make the choice to have someone in our lives longer than they are "supposed to be." or do we just have to accept what fate has in store for us? what is a good reason or a long enough season?

if we can take fate into our own hands, how much responsibility do we have to go out and search for those that mean sometime to us and make them come back? for example, since me dad has not been around, should i wait until he decides to come back, should i look for him once more, or can i say that i have made the best effort i could and call the ball in his court now? a part of me says that he is too important to just let get away that easy. i should fight with every bit of my strength and look for him until he tells me to go away. a not soo good example of this is how my best friends don't just let me walk away from them. how no matter how much time has elapsed since i talked to them, they will continue to "search for me" until i give in (which really isn't that hard.) and just as forgetful as i am about calling my mom or my friends, could i also give my dad the benefit of the doubt. sure 9 years is a really long time to forget (and before that 5), but who am i to judge. and just because life has been more than good and i would not trade that for the world, does that mean i have to give up on having a dad someday.

one more cliche: if time heals all wounds...how much longer do i have to wait. or is every time that i miss having a dad reopen the wound and i have to start all over? and if i am going to have to start all over, over and over again, isn't there a better way to end this? i couldn't imagine my life any better than what it is today. and i am where i am today because my dad was not around. but i want him to be a part of my life because the little girl in me is unwilling to believe that her daddy is gone.

mostly, i am thankful for the people that have stuck around and who get to be in my life forever.