not sleeping

in a vague attempt to distract myself i come up with random things to consume my mind. in this case it's about love. since i am not much of an expert myself i simply pose a few questions. is love supposed to hurt? and if it does, it balances out, right? and if you care for someone so much that it makes you cry, is that good or bad? and if you know that you are not in love with someone, can you try to be their friend when he may still think that you have extra feelings for him? and if for the first time in a long time, you are finally kinda sure (as opposed to not sure at all) that you are well on your way of getting over him, and though it seems that you have slipped back multiple times, but in reality they were just small pauses, but not much back-tracking actually took place, can you reach out without falling?

what the heck is all this about? simply put, i finally put my own feeling aside for .2 seconds and realized that a friend is sad. the problem is that i don't know if i can ask what is wrong. on one hand it shouldn't be a problem because we are supposed to be friends and if he doesn't want to tell me that is quite alright. but more than that i really don't want him to get the wrong idea about my intentions. it makes me sad to see him sad, in the way that it hurts when any of my friends are sad. i don't want to make it better or make it go away or try to solve any of his probems, all i want is to make sure that he is ok.

i swear, i don't think that i am in love with him. of what i am sure is that i am going home soon and that i will be able to have enough me time to recharge my emotional batteries that have lost the majority of their energy.

also, is it fair to try to be a boy's friend when i just finished sucking at being a good friend to someone i thought i was close to?