"the new kids"

we got a batch of college kids at school for the summer. and i think it has finally dawned on me that i am in medical school and in two weeks i will have some responsibility. scary. but exciting. as i am talking to them (because god knows i talk too much for my own good) i talk about things that happened four or five years ago. and at that time, the biggest thing in my life had been that i had graduated from high school.

things are very different now. i remember how sophomore year of college changed me. it was the first time that i felt like a "bad girl." ok, for me it actually doesn't mean i did anything too out of the ordinary or unexpected for a "normal" college kid, but it was still the year that i rebelled the most. i followed around the baseball team like a puppy and for the first time told a boy that i liked him. i went to my first concert. i came to nyc for the first time and fell in love. i swear i didn't actually think that i would ever come back. i remember that year fondly. i remember how much i felt i had changed. i guess i was expecting that kind of magic over the break that i just had, and, well, that didn't happen. so i am a bit disappointed. and thought the summer may not be over for most of you, for me it is.

anyways, the new kids are so eager to know about my life and how i ended up here. they want to know what is fun to do in the city and why this place is so cool. and of course that gives me the opportunity to tell them my story. i feel so lucky to be one of those kids that i admired when i was at my summer programs. i'm not saying at these kids admire me by any means. they are way cooler than i ever was. and not to sound completely full of myself, which i am, but i have something they still don't and that they want. i am here and i have been for two years. and try as the administration might try, they can't get rid of me yet.

i like being a mentor. i can't wait to meet the new class comes in august. according to legend, or tradition or some weird pattern, they should turn out to be as cool as my class. and when they do i hope to be available for them. and hopefully share some piece of good advice, if nothing else. and let's be honest, hopefully there will be some hot boys to keep me entertained.

but until then, the new interns will have to do. i love boys. (maybe as much as i can't stand them and as much as i think they are stupid) sooo entertaining!!

friends 101

friends love you. accept you. inspite of all your insecurities. and the best part is, at just the right time...they let you know. i got a letter in the mail, which is always exciting so maybe i will write back (but who knows cuz i am such a slacker) and it came at a perfect time and said all the right things and made me cry. even though i cry all the time, it was really nicce to hear that someone i admire thinks highly of my as well.

friends also let you know when you are being an ass. they sometimes do judge you about whether or not you have the right to be a not so nice person, but most of they time, even if they don't agree with you, they are still there. maybe not behind you or supporting your wrong choices, but at least they are there.


as i grow up (reluctantly) i will attempt to be a better friend. i make no promises, but i will try because i don't know where my life would be without all those people that put up with all my bs. so, no matter how much distance separates us and how different our lives turn out to be or how incompatible our futures may seem, we will remain friend.

Chinese Horoscope (Freakishly correct)!!!

FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY!!



Jun 19, 2006 8:02 PM
Subject: Chinese Horoscope (Freakishly correct)!!!
Body: Chinese Horoscope
freaky horoscope!!! READ!!
dO NOT CHEAT.
NO MATTER WHAT.

CHINESE HOROSCOPE:
THE YEAR OF THE IRON DRAGON,
WISHING YOU PROSPERITY AND GOOD FORTUNE IN THE
CHINESE NEW YEAR

FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS -
DO NOT CHEAT
OR IT WON'T WORK AND
YOU WILL WISH YOU HADN`T.

TAKE 3 MINUTES
TRY THIS - IT WILL FREAK YOU OUT.










THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO ME SAID
HER WISH CAME TRUE 10 MINUTES AFTER SHE FORWARDED THE EMAIL

NO CHEATING!!!!













THIS GAME HAS A FUNNY / CREEPY OUTCOME.








DO NOT READ AHEAD, JUST DO IT.






IT TAKES ABOUT 3 MINUTES - WORTH A TRY


1st. Get PEN and PAPER

2nd. WHEN CHOOSING NAMES, MAKE SURE THEY ARE REAL PEOPLE THAT YOU ACTUALLY KNOW

3rd. GO WITH YOUR FIRST INSTINCTS !!!!! Very important for good results.

4th SCROLL DOWN

ONE LINE AT THE TIME
DON`T READ AHEAD
otherwise
YOU WILL RUIN THE FUN.











1. On a blank sheet of paper, WRITE NUMBERS 1 through 11 in a COLUMN on the LEFT.













2. Next to the NUMBERS 1 & 2,

WRITE DOWN ANY
2 NUMBERS YOU WANT.

DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE NUMBER?













3. Next to the NUMBERS 3 & 7,

WRITE DOWN THE NAMES OF TWO MEMBERS
OF THE OPPOSITE SEX.













CAUTION: DO NOT LOOK AHEAD or IT WILL NOT TURN OUT RIGHT














4. WRITE ANYONES NAME

(like FRIENDS or FAMILY...)
next to 4, 5, & 6.















DON`T CHEAT OR YOU`LL BE UPSET THAT YOU DID













5. WRITE down FOUR SONG TITLES in 8, 9, 10, & 11
















6. Finally,

MAKE A WISH



















ARE YOU READY?
HERE IS THE

KEY TO THE GAME
















1. THE NUMBER of PEOPLE THAT LIKE YOU is found in

SPACE 2







2. THE PERSON IN SPACE 3 IS THE ONE YOU LOVE








3. THE PERSON YOU LIKE but your relationship CANNOT WORK is in

SPACE 7








4. YOU CARE MOST about the PERSON you put in

SPACE 4









5. THE PERSON YOU NAME IN NUMBER 5 IS THE ONE WHO

KNOWS YOU VERY WELL.









6. THE PERSON YOU NAMED IN 6 IS THE YOUR

LUCKY STAR









7. THE SONG IN 8 IS THE SONG THAT MATCHES WITH THE

PERSON IN NUMBER 3








8. THE TITLE IN 9 IS THE SONG FOR THE

PERSON IN 7









9. THE 10TH SPACE IS THE SONG THAT TELLS YOU MOST ABOUT

YOUR MIND








10. AND 11 IS THE SONG TELLING HOW YOU

FEEL ABOUT LIFE








11. NUMBER 1 IS YOUR

LUCKY NUMBER



repost this
WITHIN AN HOUR OF READING THIS.





IF YOU DO, YOUR WISH WILL COME TRUE.



* REPOST WITH Chinese Horoscope (Freakishly correct)!!!

no really, i should go to bed

You Are The Magician

You are powerful and wise - beyond what anyone can see. Deeply complex, you have the resources to connect to the spiritual and material world. You posses the knowledge to manipulate your life and the lives around you. You also have a great healing power, should you choose to use it. Your fortune: You have unhidden powers that you have yet to tap into. Soon, you will better understand how to use your intellect and intuition. Believe it or now, you will discover how you can manipulate yourself and others for good. You are at the beginning of a path of spiritual enlightenment.

What Tarot Card Are You?

does this mean i am supposed to be a doctor??

i should get to sleep...

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change. You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it. In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

flash from the past

the danger with going back home to where i grew up is that there is always a small chance of running into someone you know. good or bad, it is still the past. i am a complex breed of "fear of change" and "what the hell, why not?" mostly it depends on my mood and who i am running away from. and that is how i ended up in new york city studying medicine. when i talk on the phone with my best friends (especially the one that still lives at home) we sometimes stumble on "guess who i ran into today?" It is quite interesting sometimes, and other times quite horrifying. a few months ago she had a run in with an ex-classmate, a boy that was in quite a few of our classes and that was by no means "close" to any one of us. funny factoid: in my senior yearbook there was a nice note from him (and, yes, he had a girlfriend at the time) that he had a crush on me in high school. lucky for me, it was written on the second to last day of school, so i did not have to endure the countless jokes that provoked in front of him. since then my encounters with this particular boy have been very few (maybe twicce in 6 years, it helps i don't live at home anymore).

and being a science nerd, the world is a really small place. there was once a boy that liked (i know that is hard to believe), and since he transferred from my college i have never seen him. but this of course does not keep my best friend from college from calling me whenever she sees him around town. i know, what are the chances. lucky for me she doesn't talk to him and vice versa. however, another one of my college friends does still speak to him and i get, an unrequested might i add, update about his life from her.

try this one for a small world: one of the boys that i had a crush on during my very first summer church camp was the brother of these two girls that i was eventually friends with (wrote letters and everything) and who went to the church where my youth pastor grew up. ok not that impressive, but still a small world. so why in the world do i remember all this stuff. mostly cuz i am bored and completely lack a love life (which i don't think is such a bad thing considering what some of my friends are going through).

but this is me we are talking about and if i can't keep myself entertained with a new boy i am likely to fall into the trap of looking at an old boy for entertainment. however, in my current situation, that is probably the last thing i need, because the last boys that had any impact on me are just not good for me period. so what should i do?

and what if you get a second chance to make a move? with someone you remember fondly. not the love of your life or the biggest crush, but someone who was there and you remember him and he remembers you. and at some point in time there may have been something, but you always ran in the other direction because he wasn't taken and when he was taken he was smart enough to stay away. what would you do if he found you and, even though it was a really long shot (hence the appeal b/c let's be honest i still run like crazy), you put yourself out there to see what could happen. probably only a friendship, but, hey, what is there to lose?

i always tried to believe that if i were ever given a second chance i would take it because i would see it as a sign. but signs are dangerous things to believe in if you are not reading them right or if you choose to ignore them or interpret them to whatever makes sense in your crazy head.

ahh, what to do when the past comes back to stare you in the face and say, "here is your chance again, what are you going to do?"

the people who touch our lives

i have a hard time remembering people's names. and sometimes i forget who was with me when i did "x" event. but other times, i remember people's faces as if were just yesterday. i also think it is quite funny how small the world really is. how people that i have met randomly know each other or how my best friend can be my pre-k teacher's co-worker. i wonder why some people stick around and why some go away. and when i look back and remember those people that have walked out of my life, for one reason or another, i wonder, sometimes, if i will ever run into them again.

was there something i forgot to say or explain. was there one more lesson to learn? the old cliche says: some people are in your life for a reason, some people are in your life for a season, and some people are there for a lifetime. but who gets to pick? can we make the choice to have someone in our lives longer than they are "supposed to be." or do we just have to accept what fate has in store for us? what is a good reason or a long enough season?

if we can take fate into our own hands, how much responsibility do we have to go out and search for those that mean sometime to us and make them come back? for example, since me dad has not been around, should i wait until he decides to come back, should i look for him once more, or can i say that i have made the best effort i could and call the ball in his court now? a part of me says that he is too important to just let get away that easy. i should fight with every bit of my strength and look for him until he tells me to go away. a not soo good example of this is how my best friends don't just let me walk away from them. how no matter how much time has elapsed since i talked to them, they will continue to "search for me" until i give in (which really isn't that hard.) and just as forgetful as i am about calling my mom or my friends, could i also give my dad the benefit of the doubt. sure 9 years is a really long time to forget (and before that 5), but who am i to judge. and just because life has been more than good and i would not trade that for the world, does that mean i have to give up on having a dad someday.

one more cliche: if time heals all wounds...how much longer do i have to wait. or is every time that i miss having a dad reopen the wound and i have to start all over? and if i am going to have to start all over, over and over again, isn't there a better way to end this? i couldn't imagine my life any better than what it is today. and i am where i am today because my dad was not around. but i want him to be a part of my life because the little girl in me is unwilling to believe that her daddy is gone.

mostly, i am thankful for the people that have stuck around and who get to be in my life forever.

happy father's day

I wish a sincere happy father's day to those men that have made a difference in their children's life.

Because i think being a father has to be tough. But if you make the effort, admit you are not perfect, and try your very hardest to just be there, unconditionally, you definately get an "E" for effort (guess that goes for moms too, but i'm not talking about them). In a world like this one, where families are split all the time, it think men would be surprised how a little effort could go a long way.

All I am saying is that, yes, women can raise children on their own and be successful and happy, and never look back and think "what if?" But it is a little less scarring to have your dad around. And, trust me, I know that not all men (or women for that matter) are ready to be parents or are just plain mean, and maybe they have made mistakes in their lives that justify never having another chance, and maybe you are way better without them, but it does leave a tiny little hole in your life that nothing else can fill. It's this tiny little hole that you can totally live a very happy and fulfilled life with, but something will always be missing.

Fathers don't have have to be invinsible, they just have to be there and show that they love you. And, I guess, if you can't do that, just disappear. Because your children are better off without you. If you make that choice to go, just know you can come back and try to make things better when you are mature enough, but you might not always be welcome back (and that is a consequence that must be lived with for the rest of your life.) Some choices in life are big and having kids is one of the biggest ones. Unlike marriage, you can't divorce your kids and just pick up new ones. Your children are yours no matter what. You are an undeniable part of them and no matter who much drama or time goes by, that will never change.

So if one day you become a parent, learn from the mistakes of your own parents. Sure, you will have to make some of them on your own, but it is a start. And if some injustice was done to you as a child, try your very best to not do the same to your children. And remember there is a fine line between making sure your child's life is better than yours and just spoiling them rotten, tread carefully.

i love...

FUTBOL (Soccer).....
Boys!!

i am so happy the world cup is here to entertain me. the world makes so much for sense ;)

three's company?

i just moved into a new apartment with one of my old roommates (who, btw, i adore and am so excited things worked out the way they did). i love my new place and its comfy feeling. i like having my door open when I am home and cooking in my kitchen and sitting down at my table (all of which I had not done in months). this, of course, means that i no longer have two roommates. it was a very dramatic "break up."

point being, i have been very blessed in the fact that i have some of the best friends in the entire world. and since high school i have learned more and more about friendship and love and patience and trust. i have learned to let go and let people into my life. and there always seemed to be three of us and it was good. but now that this last triplet split, i looked around at my classmates and realized that we were not the only apt of three that failed to remain together. quite an extraordinary number of apts have shifted and i began to wonder if we just got too much of each other too fast.

so there is this delicate balance between too much and too little. since leaving texas i have been very afraid of losing my friends from home. but they have been patient with me and put up with me falling off the face of the earth. and we can just pick up where we left off. as if the time that had passed and the changes that we have made in our lives will "sync" within a few moments of spending time together again. i have grown and changed and my friends have grown and changed, but it all makes sense. it fits. and if it doesn't, most of the time, it doesn't matter because in the end we have each other.

and as friendships around me change, i just hope to remain the kind of friend my friends liked when they decided to keep me around. and three is not an odd number, its two plus a bonus, a solid tripod to support whatever struggles the world may bring a group of friends. ok, time for bed. that's what happens when you have too much time on your hands.

when i disappear

i seem to have a one track mind. meaning that most of the time whatever i am doing is taking up about 99% of all my energy (because, let's be honest, i am always thinking about cute boys.) the consequence of that is that i forget to call my friends (including my best friends) there really is no excuse, i am just inconsiderate. ok, now that that is out of the way.....

i am back in school. i always thought that summer school was for the people who didn't do so hot during the year in school or for the over achievers and i refused to be in either one of those groups, but now i have to admit that i am both! so, i will be spending this summer learning how to be responsible for people's lives. anyone scared yet? so i am approaching this year with a mix of excitement and fear. both of which one of my classmates reassures me are good things. the biggest news of today is that i learned how to draw blood to today (on a real person) and to put an IV in (on a dummy hand), so if you ever need either one of those let me know! the weird thing about having been gone for two months and coming back to this whole new phase of school is that my classmates and i don't get to spend nearly as much time together anymore. guess that is what happens when you grow up and move on.

summer is a weird time. at least it is for me this year. right now it is cold and rainy. and it has been this way for the last three days. i have seen only a hint of sunlight a few days ago. but for the most part it's like spring time, so much so that i wear socks and sweaters. and yes, it is june! nyc is just a strange, strange place. guess that is why i picked it to live.